maintaining goals I have set for myself has always been a struggle with me. I don't want to think of myself as lazy (though I'm not ruling it out), but I find it incredibly hard to do something without a payoff. The things I do do for money I end up inevitably resenting due to the monotony of it, and any time I try to do something for myself, I tend to just lose passion in it, leaving myself just disappointed in myself.

The biggest issue is that I hate doing nothing even more, but I just can't seem to bring myself to do anything except for one or two week bursts.

list of things I am working on.

this blog.
another blog about video games.
writing fiction.
writing lyrics for a musical im only supposed to be "helping with", but am doing most of the work anyway. itll probably be canned.
helping family with home renovations.

i always get way in over my head :\

So today I started posting some of my fictional stories on a website. I suppose you could classify it as "fan fiction", but, shit, I need to practice with my literary prose before I work on anything that's my idea (I have lots of 'em). Here's hoping I can get summon the willpower to finish writing the whole damn thing. So far I've got like thirty pages in open office and I feel like I havn't even scratched the surface. Needless to say, thirty pages isn't much, but I feel like it could end up being four hundred if I write it all. GUUUUH.

The refrigerator started making hollow ice cubes. I know I should fix it, but it's too awesome.

Experiencing a piece of art created by a friend is a really humbling experience.

I introduced my family to dubstep

every day I'm becoming a worse person.

Jokes #1

Sometimes I think of jokes, but I often forget them. I think now would be a good time to write them down and share them, since, I really don't care about being a stand up comedian. I can't promise you these will be funny, or non-offensive, or even original... I mean, they're original as far as I know, but I can't cross reference them with every joke that's been said. It'll be a numbered series as I remember them or they come to me.

"Does anyone else think we need a new name for World War 2? I mean, WW1, that was the shit right there. The Great War, The War to End All Wars, THE World War... but WW2? Sounds like a quick cash-in sequel. It even feels like one too, I mean, in World War 1 it was all so complex, and at least there was some ambiguity, some gray area... but WW2? A black and white good guys vs bad guys story."

Note for future reference.

Don't ever give a baby hot sauce. They'll never stop crying.

Dr. Pepper is made by wizards.

Have you ever drank a Dr. Pepper? The taste is pretty unique. Have you ever drank a Dr. Pepper mixed with anything? It tastes like water. Not even sugar water, just flavorless liquid. You can try this yourself. Pour yourself a half-glass of Dr. Pepper, and add a small amount of cola to it. You will be amazed. I have a hunch that good ol' DP isn't actually flavored. Instead, it's enchanted by some organization of secret sorcerers to give it an intangible and unexplainable flavor that doesn't really exist. It's all in your head.

My biggest failures

I've never really been part of the action, so to speak. Everything I'm good at, everything I have a knack for has more to do with management and planning than preforming. Not only that, I seem to be rather talentless when it comes to actually preforming. This extends to all my hobbies, really. I've always been better at crunching numbers and dissecting strategies than playing games, no matter how much I practice. Always better making a good setting than writing good characters. Always been a better consultant than a friend, even.

It's sort of sad.

Some Nerd's Blog

I spend way too much time at the computer, probably.

It's really weird to me. I socialize with people, I meet new people, I express myself creatively, I learn new things all the time, and I am able to entertain myself from one terminal sitting in the corner of a room. I don't really feel that I'm missing out on life. I try to live without regrets. I've picked up lots of hobbies, from gaming to literary analysis to voice acting, and I like to consider myself a diverse and interesting person... but I just sort of feel like I spend too much time on it. It's incredibly odd to me. I don't neglect real life responsibilities. I have friends I hang out with, it's just that they mostly live a decent time away.

It's probably just because other people tell me it's true, I just sort of criticize myself for it.